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Bargain Bob's Life
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Is there something you are looking for that's really obscure or downright weird? How about a 100 piece Mac Classic network or the world's slowest web server? If you have a trade, barter or just in need of abuse, email bob@refurbmadness.com

Old Guys on eBay...

I truly do not want anyone to think that I am a cranky person. I have noticed (from my sweet corner of the warehouse) a weird phenomenon. Our store is in the area of town pretty close to the stalwarts of old technology, the Goodwill and the Salvation Army stores. They are great places that do a great work.

There is a constant stream of old guys coming in with 68k Macintoshes that they buy from these places. The gents usually do not use computers at all, or if they do, it is an old 486 PC "that my son gave to me to play solitaire." They want to know all about the macintosh they have in their hands, not to use it, but to fix it up and sell it on eBay.

Now that is enterprising, even admirable in a weird way. Weird? yeah. These guys are smart guys, retired from manufacturing companies, which we have a lot of in the Land of Rust, Home of More Jobs Going to the Chinese, etc. they are the guys who can fix anything, literally. They can climb into the guts of a one-of-a-kind driller-auger-whateverer and repair or build or anything. They're bored. Handing out shopping carts at the Wal-Mart holds no interest for them. They heard of this here new fangled thing where President Clinton said you could get off welfare and be a millionaire. Yup! The only problem is that they don't know diddly about computers and they really don't want to know anything past the slim path to eBay and solitaire.

Personally, that's OK with me, but when a geezer comes in with a PowerBook 145b (that he bought from the Salvation Army for $5.00) to see if we have a power supply he can take home and use so he can see if it works, that's a bit much. If it does works, he'll come back and buy it. If not, he'll bring it back. What? it's $40.00! Well! How can he make money on eBay if we charge him THAT MUCH!

That's after he has come in 3-4 times asking us to download everything we ever new about Apple Powerbooks. For free. Sheesh!

Musing on "The Net"...

We have been swamped by walk-ins, phone calls and email on this Windoze virus crap. Cool. The Boss Lady is assuring everyone that these viruses are Windoze only and die at the Macintosh, but it still freaks people out when they get 1500 emails a day for 'wicked screen savers'. I suppose they would like to get back to their viagra emails.

Our Über Geek, "That's Mr. Über Geek, Your Excellency, to you!", says that after 2 years of Mac OS 10/X, there are no viruses, LINUX after what, 8-9 years has, oh, three viruses and Windows after 16 years has over 18,500+ viruses. (Update: Make that 18,501+.) Mac OS 9 still has practically none except for that pesky Auto Start Worm. I still have the famous MacAddict Lorna Croft-TombRaider CD with the AS Worm burned right into it. (Smack, drool). I still remember the time in 1991 ol' Disinfectant caught that W-Def A virus slithering into my Mac Classic from a floppy. It made more noise than the Robot on "Lost in Space". It about gave me a chest-clutcher right there.

I have this naughty little guilty pleasure. No, really! I love a movie with Sandra Bullock called "The Net". Very sophisticated for 1995. Looks great even now. (Well, except for all the 8100s.) The Praetorians and their control of the identity theft thing was prescient, but the Gatekeeper Security Software/Microsoft and Jeff Gregg/Bill Gates thing was psychic. Gatekeeper was suppose to protect everyone's data, but instead it controlled their access to data therefore controlling them. (Just like Microsoft's Dot Net.) That is absolutely goosebumpy in this era of Roughrider Ashcraft and his "round 'em up, shoot 'em up and let God sort out the bodies" atmosphere. The Gatekeeper concept and Homeland Security should scare ya worst than the terrorists!

People laughed when I told them that "The Net" was one of my favorite movies, but now they're not laughin' now, no sirree! Microsoft has no reason to end this virus crap because in doing so, they can't spy on their Wondoze users. I would never tolerate such invasion. God Bless the Macintosh OS!

The Only Mac Repair Place for Miles.

Refurb Madness is in Rockford, Illinois. We are wedged tightly under Wisconsin in the middle of Illinois' northern border. This is called The Stateline. I'm sure the rest of you states have lines, but this is the real Stateline. Here's proof: this is the home of the Stateline Macintosh Users Group, http://www.smugweb.com. Rockford is the second largest city in the state (sorry Aurora, keep tryin').

eZone, Inc., the Home of Refurb Madness, has applied twice for an Apple Authorized Service Provider designation. the last time we were told by a rep from AppleCare, Chicagoland Region (Motto: We're Chicago. Youse guys outside of Chicago don't exist.) that Rockford didn't need a repair center, that CompUSA could take care of all the repair needs of the Stateline Area. Yep, I remember CompUSA. (Quote from the local Manager when the Apple Store first opened here: "Why should I dedicate 10% of my floor space for 3% of my sales. No one uses Macintoshes.) (!) He got his wish, it's now the Apple Aisle and next year it will be the Apple Endcap. The one here had the only Apple Airport Card in the state outside of the Chicago suburbs. I saw it right on their website. I ran over, because there was a surprise wireless install the next day and not only was it not on the floor, it was damaged. A floor manager had to go in the back to the cache of "Things Mac people might buy if they were ever on the sales floor." and waving it in my face, said, "It's broken, these Apple things never work.".

I have been fixing Macs for 13 years. An astute service tech who looked like "Dusty" from the movie "Twister" at the CompUSA in Grand Rapids asked. "Well what are you, some kind of technical genius?" This brought peals of laughter from my friends, further infuriating him when they all yelled "YES!". The impossible item I requested? Mounting rails for a CD-ROM in a 7100.

The slaves here at Refurb Madness have refurbed probably 10,000 units, parted out half that and take non-warranty repairs from all over the country and in our beautiful city. We are the only ones here willing to do it from the suburbs to the Mississippi River north of the Illinois River, that we know of.. Our repair rates are half of CompUSA. We have never reformatted a hard drive to get rid of a software problem. We teach people how use use, maintain and upgrade Macintoshes. Were are recommended five Apple Stores, including our local one at Woodfield Mall (once right in front of our programmer. Did HIS eyes pop out. We have had people call us after a recommendation from Apple tier one and two tech support.

Why?

We're truthful. "Sorry, ma'am we could replace the power supply in this 6100 for $25. for the part and $65.00 an hour, but you could buy it off our floor for $39.99."

We're knowledgeable. We get phone calls from Australia to Europe asking us how to do darn near anything.

We fix software problems. Drivers. Extention conflicts. Corrupted file structures. Whatever. Plus, our software specialist will work until she retrieves the data from that drive. She's a little anal about it.

We work with other companies to get what the customer needs. If we don't have it we tell you who does. We get calls all the time from customers directed to us by our new equipment partners. You guys know who you are, (like OWC, et al.).

That's right, Rockford can have all it's needs handled by CompUSA. My dear, sweet Penney's sister's G4 iMac wouldn't dial out. The wizards at CompUSA told her that her modem was bad and it would take 2 weeks to replace it. I called the "Time and Temperature" number to test it. It was fine, just an AOL setup issue. it would have taken so long because they were going to ship it to Chicago, they can't repair it in Rockford. We're gearing up for application #3.

We do need a repair shop that repairs Macs IN Rockford.

Editor: Pardon Bob's rant, you know he is kinda psycho.

Welcome to Seventh Street!

The first day we opened we were the victims of a drive-by shooting. The late 1970's vintage Buick LaSabre (in the midwest: pronounce La Sá-bra) drove slowly west on 2nd Avenue to the 7th Street stop light. It was just twilight (at 41", 50"N latitude, that would be 3:45pm). The shooter stared knowingly into our open seven-foot tall windows and sized up the lambs inside--fit for slaughter. He signalled to the driver to ready himself for a quick getaway. The shooters in the backseat hunkered down for a steady hit, clean and precise.

Front-dude shouldered his weapon, and afixed his site on the comely, brown-eyed beauty, my dear, sweet Penney. She was carrying a ruby iMac back from the new repair room. Two children played on the Beige All-in-Ones on the counter. The Boss-Lady faced the windows, but stared intently on her Macintosh screen.

The driver stared at the stop light facing 7th Street, waiting for the light to change to yellow. As the light changed he yelled "Fire!". The volleys of ammo hit the storefront with a thunderclap "Wop!" Wop, wop, wop!!!" Sloppy gobs of hot pink and Day-glo orange crushed against the windows, doors and bricks. Everyone jumped at the sudden noise. The children hit the floor with Homeland Security-enhanced precision. Boss-Lady hunkered down behind her monitor, thinking that, somehow, her obsessive, perennial choice of "Trinitron, only" would save her. Brave Penney stood inside the door, deftly switching from the cradling two-handed hold on the iMac to a single swinging hold on the handle as she pushed through the doors. She was greeted by smoking, stinking rubber as the LaSabre screamed through the now-green light. she shook her fist as she mouthed epithets against the furious sound "Hey you! Git back here!". Fearless! What a woman! I am in love!

So long Eleventh Street!

..We are moving right now, as I speak. The boss lady has us slugging away. She is a Valkrie, horns and all, brandishing her whip to us poor galley slaves, rowing our Viking Ship full of crap up 11th Street, turning left on Charles Street and left on 2nd Avenue, past Nicholson's Hardware to the corner of 7th Street and 2nd Avenue. This corner, famous for 51 years as the home of the 7th Street Drive-in Liquor Store, is to be our new home.

Yes, I will miss the daily rite of the working girls at our northern neighbor, the Famous Flying Saucer Motel and League Nite at the Bowl-Mor, but progress stands still for no Mac-dude! Upward and Outward, the cretins here at eZone are soon to explain the concept of Refurb Madness to the treble markets of Yupsters, working stiffs and a whole high-rise of seniors (not the high school type) in the Mid-town District of Rockford, Illinois.

As my back-breaking efforts go largely un-noticed by my sweet Penney, I know that we will be working closely together, since we have half the space at our new, first floor, commercial-type location.

I must see my chiropractor later today.
11/8/2003

So now we repair Macintoshes...

..I am back from my yearly vacation in America's Dairyland! I have to get my fix of Wisconsin Dells, the perfect mix of crass commercialism and awesome beauty. Yes, enough of the water skiing babes at the Tommy Barlett Thrill Show. I have a trade-out with them: they allow me to be in a show, I help put bumper stickers on cars in the parking lot. It's a great deal for me. The spray in my face, the bugs in my teeth (Remember: the State Bird of Wisconsin is the Mosquito) and a handful of Boss Babe Butt. Oh! that's right! G-rated fare for this crowd. Make that Bossimost Babe-alicious Gluteus Maximus! Who cares that I got a "D" in Latin, you get it anyway.

I come back and what greets me! A bodacious Labor Day lightening storm took out (it seems) half the iMacs in Rockford (Motto: .02 inches of rain in July, 10.3 inches since August). Penney and the Boss-Lady are scary women, demanding modem cards, analog and logic boards from randy Randy. Speaking of which: don't say "8500 toner cartridge" to Randy, it gives him hives. Here's a very helpful suggestion from Penney. "When it looks like lightening, unplug your surge suppressor from the wall and the phone/cable wire from the modem/cable modem." I would do anything she says even though all she says is "Git that pallet from in front of the door, I've got to get this iMac to the analog board testing staion." (Sigh) I think she really missed me...

The new website for the repair part of this place is http://www.repairmac.net.
9/22/02

So now we repair Macintoshes...

...As I understand it, we have developed so much Macintosh knowledge that we have mutated into a wholey separate species...a Macintosh technical specialist. Let's face it, none of us twenty-some years ago thought that it would be our lot in life to refurbish and repair Macintoshes. No, no...randy Randy toiled away as a film major at California State University at Fullerton (Motto: Next to Disneyland), I studied the water skiing curriculum at University of Wisconsin at Oshkosh (Motto: B'Gosh!), the webslave played merrily at Montessori Pre-school and the Boss-Lady was busy slicing the tips of her fingers off laying out galley-style type as an art major at Illinois State University (Motto: Why did the polock move to Bloomington? It was the closest to Normal he could get.) Of course, dear, sweet Penney knew exactly what she was doing at the top of her class as a technology major at Rock Valley College. She knew that Apple would come through with the Macintosh and we would be supporting the platform in our own meager way by keeping these things alive. Who Knew???

The new website for the repair part of this place is http://www.repairmac.net.

I am bulking up for my yearly vacation in America's Dairyland! Getting ready to visit Wisconsin Dells and do my Bargain Bob-Diva thing with the Tommy Barlett Thrill Show. I can't wait to waterski with the boss-babes and work on my tan. YES!! I know Penney will miss me, but she is happy just repairing the Macs...
8/12/02

We're Moving Again????
AND WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
WITH THESE 68K MACS!?!

...Sheesh! the Boss-Lady has had it with these 68k Macs. Sure, there are some free 13" RGB monitors left but now she is thinkin' "Hmmmm... time to move, let's drive Poor Ol' Bargain Bob nuts by dumping these oldies in the basement, then it's his problem.

First, we move so often, we might as well put the business in a box car. Second, she has a problem hurling these oldies into the middle of Eleventh Street, so they become my problem. Look, pick these mothers up, NOW! 68030s and lower are free. Quadras (68040) are dang cheap. She won't part them out. She can't bear to. She says it's like pulling the wings off of butterflies. I told her to think of them more like those #$&%*@ Japanese beetles some brain surgeon hauled to from Japan, here, to Winnebago County to eat some other bug. They look like pale Ladybugs and bite like he**!
(Here, bug...here, bug...)

Worse yet – my dear, sweet Penney agrees with her. "You just have to figure out some way of getting rid of them, Bob, so get going!" Just the sound of her voice commands me. The other day, Penney was repairing a Tektronix Phaser 550 Color Laserprinter (Don't get me started on Xerox, either: but while I'm on the subject, Tektronix has always made the greatest color printers in the world, IMHO. Xerox buys the printer division and decides after 9 years of continuous reseller-ship that we don't sell enough printers to still be a dealer. Screw 'em! Ahem...Incidently, Xerox wasn't to happy about that DOJ multimillion dollar fine for their accounting technique refined with Enronesque panache.) I really enjoyed reading about that.*

Anyway, Penny was admiring my rippling muscles while I moved the Tek 550 to her workbench. Now this mother is a good 14 tons, at least. I am standing there not looking in pain while Penney meticulously clears the bench, something she, apparently, couldn't do before I picked up the Tek 550. I waited patiently while she smiled warmly and said, "It won't be long, Bob, just stand right there." Her brown eyes twinkled. It only took 23.56 minutes, rendering my biceps unusable. I couldn't be cross with her. I would do anything for her. That's why I am not wild about moving all these 68ks. I barely have the strength to trudge back to my love nest to play Jewelbox.

Penney repaired that Tek 550 beautifully. She is a technical genius, and the love of my life. We are getting more and more repair work, so that is why we are moving. At least we will be on the first floor, which will put my basement back in the basement.

Here's my solution to this 68k problem: The Boss-Lady sets these prices, but I have a deal with randy Randy. Anything, even the Quadras without a CD-ROM drive are half price. The Boss-Lady never reads my page because she says I never have an original thought in my head. As we know, all my thoughts are original.

*Webmistress' note: Refurb Madness is not responsible for anything stupid that Bob may say that could get us sued. If I don't put his stuff in the way he gives it to me, he stands outside my cubicle and glowers at me, honest. (whimper)

WHAT!?! NOW WE ARE GIVING AWAY MONITORS!?!

...Sheesh! the Boss-Lady has lost it! I have had five pallets of sturdy 13" RGB Monitors protecting my turf all this time and she decides enough is enough and gives them away...to just about anybody. Well, anybody smart enough to make even a $10.00 purchase. Pretty cheap, huh? Penney is looking forward to the spring cleaning this place is gonna get. I asked her if she was going to come clean my love nest. She said, "Not without the Winnebago County Health Department in tow." Was she saying that she is afraid of her passionate side coming out if we were alone? I think so.

Anyway, with Laserwriter II chassis at $10 bucks and free 13" RGB monitors, it's looking like Christmas at April Fool's prices until Ground Hog Day. Now don't let me hear any whining like "It's not free if (sniff) I have to pay shipping..." or "Waaaahhh!!! I have to buy something to get a free monitor? Dat's not fair!!!!" Suck it up cry babies, or ship out. If you want to suck for free, dere's plenty of bovine just north of us in America's Dairyland.

OTHERWISE, Order a couple of $4.99 software titles, get a free monitor, pay the shipping and enjoy your life...
2/20/2002

NOT ANOTHER 25% SALE!!!!

Yompin' Yimini! Look at all dem all-in-ones!...Sheesh! We were told that there were 100 or so all-in-ones to pick up in the 'burbs. Well, we just crested 500 and they...just...keep...coming!

Look, the Boss-Lady never met a deal she didn't like. She is also big on keeping her word. She'll kill herself or go broke before she busts a deal (you know..."bust a deal...face the wheel", geez get your 'Mad Max' trivia straight!). YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!! Yep! The basement's full again and not with my stuff. Sure, we got rid of the 68ks all right--150 of them!

Are we a bunch of sorry suck-heads!

I love Northern Illinois in the Autumn! The trees are turning, the air has that wisp of smoke, Indian Summer has the romantic...WHOA! STOP! What is this crapola? All that Fall means is the Boss Lady (who I may add is always looking for a Good Scrap) wants to clear out the inventory before hunkering down for Winter. And I do mean 'Winter in Northern Illinois wedged tightly under Wisconsin' (Native American for "hard to make cheese at 50 degrees below 0") with bleak, tundra-like conditions that make those in the 'Driftless Area' wish a glacier would come through and warm things up.

What does this mean to you, in Key Largo, El Paso and San Diego? The Boss Lady has had it with the dreck in here and she says "Either throw this stuff off the fire escape (the only reason we have a window here in the "famous Benson Pool Building") or give it away. Yes, even the 'working girls' at the equally famous Flying Saucer Motel next door heard that gem, though none have taken the time to strut their stuff over here to take one.

Oh, here is a laugh:

"Knock, knock!"
"Who's there?"
"I want a FREE 68000-68030 Macintosh!"
"I want a FREE 68000-68030 Macintosh who?"
"I want a FREE 68000-68030 Macintosh and I want Refurb Madness to eat the shipping because I am a souless ghoul with no conscience who would scrape possums off the highway for lunch because I heard they were free!"

We had someone mention the free 68000-68030 Macintoshes on a listserve without mentioning that the extremely reasonable shipping rates would be charged (myfreebies.com and macusers.com reported this correctly, Lord bless them) Then the whining about shipping ensued. People even cancelled their orders when they found out they had to pay shipping. The site even said "+shipping and handling". Famous Quote from Sandy S.: "I don't want to pay anything." Sheesh! We charge the same amount Fed Ex Ground charges us...cool!

BTW: This free 68000-68030 Macintosh has Penney in quite a tizzy (and doesn't she look sweet in a tizzy). She is shipping these Macs out as fast as she can. I keep asking her if I can help, but all she says is "Get off that pallet of IIsis, how can anyone sleep on those?" The fact is, she is shipping whirlwind.
I don't dare get in her way.
10/10/2001

Somedays I love my job. We're schleppin' a metric ton of beige PowerMac All-In-Ones and the commensurate dreck that goes with it from Chicago. Scanners, cameras, SCSI Zip 100s, I could just roll around in it. Nothing beats getting lost in the 'burbs drivin' a Ryder truck with my sweet Penney. I love the way her doe-brown eyes flash as she blesses the traffic at the O'Hare-290-190-Mannheim bottleneck. After she gets done with them, everyone is destined for a long time in heaven with St. Peter.

This, of course, is why we are in Rockford, 60 miles and three counties from the 'burbs. Traffic here means a two block long line at the Alpine Road and East State Street light. Ah, the sacrifices we Mac dudes make for you mac-meisters.
9/16/2001

Penney does even know who Richard Marx is. She said "I didn't say I wanted to see Richard Marx in Chicago, I said I'd like to see ya 'ditch yer cards in Chicago', at the metal reyclers! Are ye deaf? This basement looks like a pit!" I love the way her nostrils flair when she has strong emotions for me.

Apparently, the Boss-Lady must be sick of it, too. She has cut the prices on monitors down to nothing and soon the wall to my love nest will be gone. 68ks are out of here, too. Sent to the basement again. I lift, I bail and still she wants more. Gone, I mean. The iMacs have dwindled, but there is still lots of good crap. I am throwing running and non-running laserwriter carcasses out for cheap. See below.
8/15/2001

Geez Louise! I leave for two weeks and suddenly we're having a 25% off sale! The Boss-lady has gotta be nuts! My wall of monitors is down a whole layer and soon my love nest will be exposed. I'll have to work the whole time I'm here! Soon there will be no spotty monitors at all! Where did the iMacs go?

Who is this Ebay Elizabeth? The Boss-lady says this "eBabe" is supposed to move the crap and onlies on eBay. THAT'S MY JOB!!!! You leave for a little vacation and they move some sweet young thing unto my turf. We haven't heard the last of this!

Wisconsin Dells, as usual was fantastic!!! Skiing in Tommy Barlett's Water Show was the height of my vacation! They even let me help put bumper stickers on cars during the other shows. Wow!! I guess I sound a tad starstuck. Everyone is quite sick of listening to me gush about it. (that's about right, we're ready to shove him out our only window, but the fire escape would catch his fall, says the webslave) I was back just in time for Fiesta Hispaña, here in Rockford. ¡Me gusta bailar la salsa con bonitas chicas!

I missed my sweet Penney! I'm begging her to go with me to the Richard Marx concert on Navy Pier in Chicago. She loves Richard Marx. Maybe that's the ticket to her heart. 7/17/2001

I've booked my vacation at beautiful Wisconsin Dells. The corn really is 'knee-high on the Fourth of July' and that's means time for Tommy Barlett's Water Show! You should see me when I take my corner of the pyramid of skiiers! It is so cool! I have my passes at Noah's Ark ready (no slight to Magic Waters here in Rockford, but too many pushy suburbanites for my taste) and I will be tanned and toned when I come back after the Fourth. I begged my sweet Penney to go with me. She looked up at me with her doe-brown eyes and shouted over a particularly noisey Laserwriter 600, "What do ya think I am, one of yer skiin' bimbos? I'm up to my keester with Personal Laserwriters that need new DC controller boards! I've gotta get these done before the 10 pallets of new Apple parts get here!"

What she really means is that she doesn't want to leave randy Randy and the Boss-Lady in the lurch with both of us gone at once. She is so faithful and trustworthy. Now I know that Penney really is jealous of those curvacious cuties I'll have hoisted on my shoulders. Mmmmm...6/30/2001

Thank the Lord school is out! Soon this place will be filled with 14 and 15 year old tech slaves working to trade out for their Macintoshes. I love the sound of young bodies grunting and groaning to lift this crap while I play another round of Jewelbox! iMacs seem to be pretty cool, (mostly because it has nothing to do with me) with a certain school district buying a butt load of indigos! I am currently planning my vacation at beautiful Wisconsin Dells. As soon as the torrential rains and flooding is over (yes, I love June in the Midwest), I will be taking my guess shot at Tommy Barlett's Water Show! Water skiing with those lovely long legged ladies of acrobatic water sports is the height of any growing boy's vacation. Just dreaming of it makes testing and stacking palettes of spotty monitors tolerable. I wonder what my sweet Penny would look like in a pro-fessional water skiing suit?...6/8/2001

There is no pleasing a Boss-Lady like mine! We're shovin' monitors out the door like there's no tomorrow and she complains that the CPU's aren't moving! Sheesh! Now Beige Power Macs are marked down $25.00 each. The 6100s are gone and the 7100s aren't long for here. The Web-slave's in hot water because the -$25.00 buttons only work in Internet Exploder. Thanks to alert customer Joe Davis, she had mea culpa on her face Friday morning (visualize that!). As he says "It takes a Village Idiot to raise a computer!". I guess he would know. Anyway, she has put "Bob Alerts" everywhere to warn everyone about yellow snow. The unseasonably hot Spring weather here in Rockford with the completely surprisin' lack of air conditioning (new landlord's response: "Huh?, it doesn't?") makes for a crimp in my love aspirations. Movin' these monitors out are makin' my sweet Penney into a snarling, sweaty steaming serf, certain that I am not holding up my end. That's not precisely true. I am enraptured by my love and admiration for a truly spectacularly sweaty babe-ola. If only she had the time to see me as a really am, not just the dude who puts the packing peanuts in the hanging bag. (sigh...) 5/7/2001

These pallets of12", 13" and 14" RGB monitors are down to chest level and now the 15" Multisyncs are marked down! Boss-Lady's handing these monitors their walking papers. The 17"s are gone and the rest won't be for long. The testing shelves are full 24-7 and the ELF transmissions are causing mutations. Can't draw you a picture on that one. We test 20-40 monitors at a time for 24 hours straight to give 'the smoke test' and they're going so fast we have to change them every morning. This is starting to look like real work. There's no time to even speak to my dear, sweet Penney. Whenever I look into her luscious brown eyes, she says, "Bob, quit gawkin' at me and get another roll of bubble-wrap, these monitors don't wrap themselves". Won't she ever see my love? Someday she will, she's just shy...4/29/2001

May Day! May Day! The Boss Lady is on to me!
I have the 6 foot high pallets of 12", 13" and 14" RGB monitors arranged perfectly to allow my a decent day's nap and now she marks them down to move! At 10-20.00 bucks, these babies won't be around long and then what will I do? I have been building a little love lair for sweet Penney in anticipation of the day she realizes her true love for me. I know when she says "When are ya gittin' off yer lazy butt and move some of this junk to the basement" she is really saying "B-Bob-Baby, you are my loverman and I can't wait for you to flex your manly muscles and prove your love to me." She's just shy... 4/21/2001

First we have a 25% off sale, then we move to Okerefonokee (spelled as corrected by alert customer Ken in Waycross, GA), then we have a bleedin' FREE SHIPPING sale, sheesh! How can a guy get some sleep with all this going on? I was planning some quality time for my sweet Penney! Just when I have removed most of the lighting from my end of the floor and stacked the pallets nice and high, so Boss-Lady can't see what I'm up to, here we have another sale! She promises that there will be more room for spotty monitors after we get rid of these PC printers. Pul-eeze! Find one of your DOS-head friends and tell them to buy one while there's no shipping. That will fix Boss-Lady's wagon, heh, heh...4/8/2001

She's giving away the entire store! The Boss Lady put in discounts for User Groups! They're the most active, spend-happy blokes in the world! We'll go broke! Anyone can spend between $20.00 and $750.00! The code is UG10402750 in the voucher field. Good thing she's at least checking for real membership. Sheesh! 4/1/2001

Lovely, just lovely, what kind of basement can you have on the second floor? No dark, dank corners, no mildewing shelves covered with muck. How can I live like this!!!! Since all I have is a corner in back of the pallet intake area, I have been given the authority to get this crap outa here, no matter what! The 99 cent software has been sent back to Penney (and my heart with it) to be put with the rest of the dreck. The rest?
See ya on eBay, buckaroos! 3/14/2001

Well, the word came down from the Boss-lady...We're moving...again! Penney's in tears, the Webslave's curled up in the corner of the server room, glassy-eyeded and whimpering, "It takes 45 days to get a new T1 from Ameritech..." Sheesh...! The lame-ass owners and management of our "Up-and-coming-we-welcome-all-incubators-what?-you're-a-dot-com?-we-love-technology!" industrial complex on the beautiful south-west side of Rockford forgot to pay the utility bills for months and months! HOW DO YOU FORGET THAT???? Needless to say, the Gas bill for a month in winter has more digits than your left hand. We can still take orders, but shipping may be a day behind, Anyway, we are hauling ourselves and about 60 pallets of crap to the other side of town. Bummer. 3/1/2001

Geez, Louise, I am so-o-o-o tired of Penney and the webslave drooping around all week boo-hooing and slobbering over these Valentine entries. "Ooh, did you read the last one, it's so sad..." I thought it would be fun to read about V-Days in even worst shape than mine, but no. These weak sisters definitely cramped my style. They practically cried putting the chocolate into the LC. "Ooh, it looks so cute!..." GOOD HEAVENS! IT'S AN LC! GET OVER IT! They are so sentimental, it drives me nuts. Women!
2/14/2001
"Dear Diary: Today I sold 30 classics to a dude building MacAquariums. I will sob like a baby while I send them away to be gutted...NOT! HAHAHAHA!!!!"
11/6/2000
"Think about this: what do you say to a guy with 100 12" Apple monitors?. Easy, 'I think it time to build a video wall'. First person to declare the purchase of a 25 unit or more 'Video wall" gets these for $10.00 each, that's 33% savings and half off the price 2 weeks ago. Please, please, buy them, if they don't go, Penney is going to send them down here..." 9/25/2000
"Well, I certainly feel refreshed after a weekend of water skiing and bungie jumping at Wisconsin Dells. I asked Tommy Bartlett for a chance at my big dream...skiing in the big show at Baraboo, WI! It made missing "On The Waterfront" a relief! Who would pay $12.00 a head to wander around Dowtown Rockford anyway? 150,000 Chicagoans--That's who--sheeesh!! No sirree! It's back to the hog farm and this bevy of porkers left in the basement." 9/5/2000
Even with a 25% sale, this PC stuff hangs in here while the Mac is flying out! Please take it before I toss it in the dumpster in the alley!
Email Penney to let her know that the Basement is only for stuff on its last legs, not good stuff she wants to get rid of! Gimme a break! 8/25/2000
While I was waterskiing in Wisconsin last weekend, Penney Kenney threw not only her stupid PC crap down here in the Basement but a bevy of good PC monitors. Now its the good PC printers! The boss is back from MacWorld and says its got to go! How am I to get rid of this stuff?

Email Penney to let her know that the Basement is only for stuff on its last legs, not good stuff she wants to get rid of! Gimme a break!

...If it weren't for the twinkle in her Irish eyes, I'd really be pissed! 8/5/2000

Bloody Inkjet He**!
Bob says, "OK, this is really true. We ordered 449 inkjet printers of various types. On the way, they were in an accident and over half were crushed and maimed. Really! These are the ones that weren't crushed and maimed, but merely misaligned. Our Warehouse Queen, Penney Kenney, (that's her name) actually did what no normal refurbisher would do, she actually followed the instructions in the Apple Service Source CD, obsessively and painstakingly dis- and reassembled these printers and they work fine. No returns.
There is no software, ink, manual or serial cable. Don't ask."5/5/2000
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